What You Fear, is Not What You Fear!

Walking through the hills of Portugal

Two days ago, over tea, I wrote a long post about common fears in our life. Ranging from fear of bees, to other human beings.

But, it is my opinion that list, albeit quite eye opening to how much we spend time worrying and being fearful, it doesnโ€™t get to the root of it.

Itโ€™s a list of external people, places, things, or events that evoke a response. Not just a response in our heads, but also our hearts, and even bodies. Responses that show up in many ways, and too many for the purpose of this post.

To truly understand why we worry so much, or often feel so fearful, we must understand that thereโ€™s something deeper that is creating the fear that we have. Not just the event itself.

Worry is often the story we are telling ourselves aboutโ€ฆ.

What has happened

๐–๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ข๐ ๐ก๐ญ ๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง

๐–๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง

๐–๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฐ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ก๐š๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง

Often, with little evidence to back that claim. And yet, we are still married to the stories of catastrophic events that โ€œwillโ€ occur.

Letโ€™s use an example from my own life. My open ended trip overseas, that I started 35 days ago.

When I dug into my worries about it, questioning the uncertainty, the nervousness, tight chest, and all the rest, the following came upโ€ฆ

๐ˆ๐Ÿ ๐ˆ ๐ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฎ๐ฉ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ฏ๐ž๐ฅ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐ก๐š๐ฏ๐ž ๐ง๐จ ๐ฃ๐จ๐›โ€ฆ

๐˜๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜บ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜บ,

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ณ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ต,

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด ๐˜โ€™๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ,

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜โ€™๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ด๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด, ๐˜ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ถ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ ๐˜โ€™๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ,

๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ด, ๐˜โ€™๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ด๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ

That escalated quickly, EH?

Quite the projection about what could happen, before I have even taken off in the airplane. My mind, my worry, is already 10 steps ahead of me, trying to be a fortune teller.

Now, many reading this may say, โ€œfor real, that COULD happen.โ€

Yep. You are right. That definitely could. I could take off overseas, andโ€ฆ

๐‚๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ฒ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ˆโ€™๐ฏ๐ž ๐ž๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ ๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ง๐ž๐

๐€๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐ฌ๐ค๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ˆโ€™๐ฏ๐ž ๐ฐ๐จ๐ซ๐ค๐ž๐ ๐ก๐š๐ซ๐ ๐จ๐ง ๐ซ๐ž๐Ÿ๐ข๐ง๐ข๐ง๐ 

๐‹๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ซ๐ข๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐›๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ข๐ง๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฅ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ๐ก๐ข๐ฉ๐ฌ ๐ˆ ๐œ๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐ข๐ฌ๐ก

๐‹๐จ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ฆ๐ฒ ๐š๐›๐ข๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ ๐ญ๐จ ๐š๐๐š๐ฉ๐ญ ๐š๐ง๐ ๐›๐ž ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐œ๐ž๐Ÿ๐ฎ๐ฅ ๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐Ÿ๐ฅ๐ฒ

๐…๐จ๐ซ๐ ๐ž๐ญ ๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐ญ๐จ ๐ฆ๐š๐ค๐ž ๐š ๐๐ž๐œ๐ข๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐ญ๐จ ๐œ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž ๐œ๐จ๐ซ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ญ

๐€๐ง๐โ€ฆ๐ƒ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐ž๐ ๐Ÿ๐จ๐ซ ๐ฌ๐จ๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฎ๐๐ž ๐ฅ๐ข๐ฏ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐ฎ๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ ๐š ๐›๐ซ๐ข๐๐ ๐ž

When I wrote these series of events down, when I FINALLY got clear on what was going on, that I couldnโ€™t quite put my finger on, I laughedโ€ฆ.

๐๐ž๐œ๐š๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ž ๐ข๐ง ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ, ๐š๐ฌ ๐ˆ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ ๐ญ๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐จ๐Ÿ ๐ญ๐ก๐ž ๐ฅ๐จ๐จ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ง๐ฐ๐š๐ซ๐ ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ข๐ซ๐š๐ฅ, ๐ˆ ๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ญโ€™๐ฌ ๐ฃ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐ง๐จ๐ญ ๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ฅ๐ข๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐œ.

WHY?

Because I know myself, my abilities, my relationships, my skills, and more than anything, my ability to make a decision to change the course.

AND for anyone that wants something a bit more logical and pragmatic, I did my research and sufficient planning prior to departure. ๐Ÿ™‚

The biggest takeaway, our worry, our fear, is tied to our survival. Many know that, but donโ€™t take the time to dig into their thoughts, or that uncomfortable feeling we get before we do something new, or something big.

๐†๐ข๐ฏ๐ž ๐ข๐ญ ๐š ๐ญ๐ซ๐ฒ. ๐‰๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ ๐š๐ฌ๐ค ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐š ๐Ÿ๐ž๐ฐ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌโ€ฆ

1. ๐˜ž๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ ๐˜ ๐˜ข๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ช๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง?

2. ๐˜–๐˜ฌ๐˜ข๐˜บ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด, ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ?

3. ๐˜–๐˜ฌ๐˜ข๐˜บ, ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ง ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฑ๐˜ฑ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด, ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ?

4. ๐˜’๐˜ฆ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฑ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฌ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ญ ๐˜บ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฐ๐˜ต ๐˜ฐ๐˜ง ๐˜ช๐˜ต, ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ข๐˜ด๐˜ฌ

5. ๐˜๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ชll occur?

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