Fear, Not Always As It Seems

InSeptember 2017, I was offered a promotion to Director, for the company where I worked at the time. Looking back, I remember the smile that crossed my face as my then manager, offered me the position.

To say I was excited, is an understatement. Especially considering, when I looked back five years prior, I had been targeting a director role from the get go.

The time had come. The opportunity standing on my doorstep.

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ถ๐˜๐—น๐—ฒ

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—ด๐—ป๐—ถ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป

๐—ง๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐˜€๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐˜

๐“๐ก๐žโ€ฆ.. ๐–๐š๐ข๐ญ ๐€ ๐ฌ๐ž๐œ๐จ๐ง๐.

I thought the salary didnโ€™t match the requirements. Whether that is true, is not the point of the story.

When I heard the salary offering, I was met with the thought, โ€œhmmmmโ€ฆ I would have thought this paid more.โ€

I found myself at a crossroad. A place where I saw three choices. Three paths.

#๐Ÿญ ๐—”๐—ฐ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ฟ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐˜† โ€œ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ธ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€

#๐Ÿฎ ๐—ก๐—ฒ๐—ด๐—ผ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜†, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ฎ๐—ฐ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐˜ ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐˜† โ€œ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ธ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚โ€

#๐Ÿฏ ๐—ก๐—ฒ๐—ด๐—ผ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜† ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฒ, ๐—ถ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐—ฎ๐—น๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐˜† ๐—ฑ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฐ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ด๐—ฒ

At this point in my career, I was not at the place where I was willing to walk away, so I threw that option out the window.

And I knew that if I just accepted it, without an attempt to negotiate, I would end up angry with myself.

๐—ช๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ฐ๐—ต ๐˜„๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜† ๐—ฐ๐—ฎ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐˜€๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ผ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€ ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต, ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐—ฝ๐—ผ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ด๐—ผ๐˜ ๐˜๐—ผ ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ฟ ๐—ฏ๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ถ๐—ป ๐˜๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐—ฐ.

That meant, just accepting and saying โ€œthank youโ€ was not an option either.

There I was, I had decided what I wanted to do, what felt like the next step, both emotionally and logically.

As I was typing the email to my manager to schedule a meeting, my hands paused, frozen to the keyboard, and then my mind started flooding me with a bunch of messages.

Messages that Iโ€™m certain, others reading this have experienced before.

๐— ๐˜† ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—น๐—น๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—บ๐—ฒโ€ฆ..

โ€œ๐‘Œ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘ โ„Ž๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘™๐‘‘ ๐‘๐‘’ โ„Ž๐‘Ž๐‘๐‘๐‘ฆ ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘Ž๐‘ก ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘Ž๐‘Ÿ๐‘’ ๐‘”๐‘’๐‘ก๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘š๐‘œ๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘œ๐‘›โ€

โ€œ๐ผ๐‘“ ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘Ž๐‘ ๐‘˜ ๐‘“๐‘œ๐‘Ÿ ๐‘š๐‘œ๐‘Ÿ๐‘’, ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘ค๐‘–๐‘™๐‘™ ๐‘‘๐‘’๐‘ ๐‘ก๐‘Ÿ๐‘œ๐‘ฆ ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข๐‘Ÿ ๐‘Ÿ๐‘’๐‘๐‘ข๐‘ก๐‘Ž๐‘ก๐‘–๐‘œ๐‘›โ€

โ€œ๐‘Œ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘˜๐‘›๐‘œ๐‘ค ๐‘ฆ๐‘œ๐‘ข ๐‘Ž๐‘Ÿ๐‘’ ๐‘›๐‘œ๐‘ก ๐‘”๐‘œ๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘ก๐‘œ ๐‘™๐‘’๐‘Ž๐‘ฃ๐‘’ ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’ ๐‘—๐‘œ๐‘, ๐‘ ๐‘œ ๐‘คโ„Ž๐‘ฆ ๐‘๐‘œ๐‘กโ„Ž๐‘’๐‘Ÿโ€

โ€œ๐‘†๐‘’๐‘’๐‘š๐‘–๐‘›๐‘” ๐‘Ž ๐‘๐‘–๐‘ก ๐‘ข๐‘›๐‘”๐‘Ÿ๐‘Ž๐‘ก๐‘’๐‘“๐‘ข๐‘™, ๐‘Ž๐‘Ÿ๐‘’๐‘›โ€™๐‘ก ๐‘ค๐‘’?โ€

As you can imagine, these thoughts were anything but motivational. What they were, in fact, were messages of fear.

I was afraid to ask for more money. ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฎ๐—ณ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ถ๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ณโ€ฆ

๐—•๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ผ๐—น๐—ฑ โ€œ๐—ป๐—ผโ€

๐—ก๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ธ๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜€๐—น๐˜†

๐—ฅ๐˜‚๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—บ๐˜† ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฝ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ผ๐—ป

Who hasnโ€™t experienced these thoughts?

Even though the word โ€œ๐น๐ธ๐ด๐‘…โ€ didnโ€™t enter my mind, thatโ€™s exactly what it was.

Itโ€™s not often that when we encounter something that creates fear, and we find ourselves sayingโ€ฆ

โ€œ๐‘ถ๐‘ฏ! ๐‘ฐโ€™๐’Ž ๐’‡๐’†๐’‚๐’“๐’‡๐’–๐’.โ€

It just doesnโ€™t happen that way the majority of the time. But, thatโ€™s what is lurking behind those thoughts.

The kind of thoughts that prevent us from taking any kind of action that is perceived as risky, or life โ€œthreateningโ€.

I wrestled with my thoughts for a bit, and finally decided that the reward for asking for the higher salary, far outweighed the cons of not asking.

๐—–๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—น๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐—ป๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ณ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ผ๐˜€๐—ฒ ๐˜€๐˜๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐—ฒ๐˜€ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ ๐˜๐—ฟ๐˜‚๐˜๐—ต? ๐—ฆ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐—ฒ!

Did I honestly have a reason to suspect that anything worse than a โ€œnoโ€ would occur?

Not even in the slightest. And yet, the fear, the stories, the mind spinning and guilting was very realโ€ฆIN MY HEAD.

Oh well, the stories would have to wait, the decision was made. I finished my email, and scheduled the meeting. I Prepared my ask and reasoning, and went in ready for anything.

๐—”๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐˜†๐—ผ๐˜‚ ๐—ธ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜„ ๐˜„๐—ต๐—ฎ๐˜? ๐—œ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐˜€ ๐—ฅ๐—œ๐—š๐—›๐—ง!

Taking money out of the conversation for just one secondโ€ฆ.since we like to focus on the numbers ;).

Tฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒgฬฒrฬฒeฬฒaฬฒtฬฒeฬฒsฬฒtฬฒ ฬฒrฬฒeฬฒwฬฒaฬฒrฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒfฬฒrฬฒoฬฒmฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒiฬฒsฬฒ ฬฒdฬฒeฬฒcฬฒiฬฒsฬฒiฬฒoฬฒnฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒoฬฒvฬฒeฬฒrฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒnฬฒyฬฒtฬฒhฬฒiฬฒnฬฒgฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒaฬฒsฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒsฬฒeฬฒnฬฒsฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒoฬฒfฬฒ ฬฒsฬฒeฬฒlฬฒfฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒoฬฒnฬฒfฬฒiฬฒdฬฒeฬฒnฬฒcฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒiฬฒnฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒyฬฒsฬฒeฬฒlฬฒfฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒnฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒyฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒbฬฒiฬฒlฬฒiฬฒtฬฒyฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒoฬฒ ฬฒsฬฒtฬฒiฬฒlฬฒlฬฒ ฬฒhฬฒaฬฒvฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒoฬฒnฬฒvฬฒeฬฒrฬฒsฬฒaฬฒtฬฒiฬฒoฬฒnฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒaฬฒkฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒcฬฒtฬฒiฬฒoฬฒnฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒeฬฒvฬฒeฬฒnฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒiฬฒtฬฒhฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒfฬฒeฬฒaฬฒrฬฒfฬฒuฬฒlฬฒ ฬฒsฬฒtฬฒoฬฒrฬฒiฬฒeฬฒsฬฒ ฬฒrฬฒuฬฒnฬฒnฬฒiฬฒnฬฒgฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒrฬฒoฬฒuฬฒgฬฒhฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒyฬฒ ฬฒhฬฒeฬฒaฬฒdฬฒ.ฬฒ

ฬฒ

ฬฒIฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒaฬฒsฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒbฬฒlฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒoฬฒ ฬฒfฬฒiฬฒlฬฒtฬฒeฬฒrฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒrฬฒoฬฒuฬฒgฬฒhฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒeฬฒnฬฒtฬฒaฬฒlฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒhฬฒaฬฒtฬฒtฬฒeฬฒrฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒnฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒaฬฒdฬฒnฬฒeฬฒsฬฒsฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒnฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒrฬฒeฬฒaฬฒlฬฒiฬฒzฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒaฬฒtฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒbฬฒaฬฒsฬฒeฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒoฬฒnฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒyฬฒ ฬฒeฬฒxฬฒpฬฒeฬฒrฬฒiฬฒeฬฒnฬฒcฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒiฬฒtฬฒhฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒoฬฒmฬฒpฬฒaฬฒnฬฒyฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒaฬฒtฬฒ ฬฒmฬฒaฬฒnฬฒaฬฒgฬฒeฬฒrฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒaฬฒnฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒhฬฒaฬฒtฬฒ ฬฒIฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒaฬฒsฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒoฬฒmฬฒfฬฒoฬฒrฬฒtฬฒaฬฒbฬฒlฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒrฬฒiฬฒsฬฒkฬฒiฬฒnฬฒgฬฒ,ฬฒ ฬฒtฬฒhฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒoฬฒrฬฒsฬฒtฬฒ ฬฒcฬฒaฬฒsฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒsฬฒcฬฒeฬฒnฬฒaฬฒrฬฒiฬฒoฬฒ ฬฒwฬฒoฬฒuฬฒlฬฒdฬฒ ฬฒbฬฒeฬฒ ฬฒโ€ฬฒnฬฒoฬฒโ€ฬฒ.ฬฒ ฬฒ

It wasnโ€™t a case where I riskedโ€ฆ

๐—Ÿ๐—ถ๐—ณ๐—ฒ ๐—ผ๐—ฟ ๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ต

๐—•๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—บ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฑ

๐—•๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐—ฏ๐—ฟ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ฎ๐˜€ โ€œ๐—ป๐—ผ๐˜ ๐—ฎ ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—บ ๐—ฝ๐—น๐—ฎ๐˜†๐—ฒ๐—ฟโ€

Although, had you heard the thoughts in my head, you would think otherwise.

When we learn how toโ€ฆ

๐—ก๐—ฒ๐—ด๐—ผ๐˜๐—ถ๐—ฎ๐˜๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ๐˜€๐—ฒ๐—น๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐˜€

๐—จ๐—ป๐—ฑ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐˜€๐˜๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ฟ ๐˜๐—ต๐—ผ๐˜‚๐—ด๐—ต๐˜๐˜€

๐——๐—ฒ๐—ฐ๐—ถ๐—ฝ๐—ต๐—ฒ๐—ฟ ๐—ฟ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—น ๐—ฎ๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—ฝ๐—ฒ๐—ฟ๐—ฐ๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ๐—ฑ ๐—ณ๐—ฒ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ

โ€ฆ๐—”๐—ป๐—ฑ ๐—บ๐—ผ๐˜ƒ๐—ฒ ๐—ณ๐—ผ๐—ฟ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ฟ๐—ฑ ๐˜„๐—ถ๐˜๐—ต ๐˜€๐—ผ๐—บ๐—ฒ๐˜๐—ต๐—ถ๐—ป๐—ด ๐˜„๐—ฒ ๐˜„๐—ฎ๐—ป๐˜, ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฏ๐—ฒ๐—ป๐—ฒ๐—ณ๐—ถ๐˜๐˜€ ๐—ผ๐—ณ๐˜๐—ฒ๐—ป ๐—ณ๐—ฎ๐—ฟ ๐—ผ๐˜‚๐˜๐˜„๐—ฒ๐—ถ๐—ด๐—ต ๐˜๐—ต๐—ฒ ๐—ฟ๐—ถ๐˜€๐—ธ.

Because in this case, and for me, the greatest reward was a stronger sense of identity. And the value of that, impacts every area of our life!

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โ€œ๐‘ญ๐’†๐’‚๐’“ ๐’Š๐’” ๐’†๐’™๐’‘๐’†๐’“๐’Š๐’†๐’๐’„๐’†๐’… ๐’˜๐’‰๐’†๐’ ๐’˜๐’† ๐’‚๐’“๐’† ๐’‚๐’•๐’•๐’‚๐’„๐’‰๐’†๐’… ๐’•๐’ ๐’•๐’‰๐’† ๐’๐’Š๐’ˆ๐’‰๐’•๐’Ž๐’‚๐’“๐’†โ€ โ€” ๐‘ฉ๐’š๐’“๐’๐’ ๐‘ฒ๐’‚๐’•๐’Š๐’†

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