What I Fear Most

Hiding behind the curtain of life

It can be difficult to discern, at times, what one fears most. For myself, that is no different. Many fears are conditioned, and some, biological.

Fears of external events such as….

Death

Spiders

Public Speaking

The Dark

To name a few.

Even though, often, the fear that we are internally experiencing is that of:

Rejection

Criticism

Failure

Isolation

When I think of these internal fears, my chest tightens, my breathing constricts,…

ESPECIALLY when I visualize being criticized publicly. Similar to the rest of the human race, I’m wired to value human connection, to belong, to socialize.

I, too, want to be cared about when I’m having a bad day,

Looked up to and feel the inner joy when I know I impacted someone’s life,

Appreciated for kind deeds or selfless acts,

…And all the rest of the wonderful feelings that can come from human connection.

And yet, while that desire to be connected, to belong is ever present, in contrast, there is the desire to chart my own path, to be FREE, many would say.

FREE of the need to belong, to fit in, to fear public criticism or rejection.

This is where I find myself at a constant fork in the road.

Others reading this may know the sensation you get when you want to share a personal story, or something vulnerable on social media, and then either stop themselves from ever doing it, or sensor the message they want to deliver.

Focusing on my own experiences, this occurs for me more often, than I like to admit.

“How often”, you might ask…. Let’s go with every day.

Every day, I feel I have something to share with the world, Something that could can add meaning, value, or potentially impact someone’s’ life.

And yet, I stop myself.

I stop myself because….

What if someone emotionally reacts to this

What if I’m seen as arrogant

What if I’m met with indifference

In a world where we are seeking mind share, these “what if’s” had a monopoly over my mind, for a long time.

Interestingly, as of lately, as I’ve become more infatuated with the topic of fear, and how it constricts our lives, by keeping us in place, not saying what we want to say, or simply rationalizing the years of our lives away.

And thus, I find myself at the fork mentioned….So today, and every day moving forward,

I’m Making A Decision!

A decision to share what I have to say, regardless of being met with Indifference, Criticism, or Praise.

Because at the end of the day, I know for me personally, that what I have to say is not to bring harm to others, it comes from a place of wanting to leave this planet a bit better than I found it. And for me, that’s good enough to share what I have to say.

SO WHAT’s WORSE…

Holding on to all I have to say for fear of being criticized

Continuing to doubt that someone, somewhere will be inspired by what I have to say

Living as a quiet, lesser version of myself

OR…

Being willing to speak up and openly

Risking criticism and indifference

”Risking” the chance to impact someone’s life for the better

Who knows, maybe this post will get lost in a sea of ads pulling for your attention,

Or maybe, it will be criticized..

Or maybe, just maybe, this post will help someone that has a something of value to share, speak up to the world.

Now that this is posted, only time will tell.

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