As I was walking back to my Airbnb from the gym, listening to the bio of Oprah Winfrey, a thought crossed my mind,
“𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘬𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘮𝘺 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘮𝘢𝘴.”
My grandmother, a woman I adore, a woman who, has without a doubt shown what unconditional love looks like throughout my entire life, had not spoken with me in about a month.
This is also the woman that won’t call me, I must call her. Her concern always being, “𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘦 𝘣𝘶𝘴𝘺.” And while she knows I can always call her back, there was a point in my life where often, I didn’t.
Primarily in my mid to late 20’s, when all I could focus on was “𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮”, when she would call, along with other people that were important to me, I often didn’t call back. And when we would speak, I would say things like,
“𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗲𝗿 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁”
“𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝘄𝗮𝗺𝗽𝗲𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻”
“𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗜’𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗜 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲”
[𝗜𝗡𝗦𝗘𝗥𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗢𝗡𝗦]
What amazes me most, is logically 𝗜 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪 how much I love this woman. How important she has been in my life, and how important she still is.
𝗬𝗲𝘁…. 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗺 𝘁𝗼 𝗽𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗿?
Over the years I had my “𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘴” why, that were external, and “𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭”
BUT what was really going on was…I was; worried, nervous, afraid (whatever you want to call it)….
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 “𝗱𝗿𝗼𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗹𝗹”
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝘆 𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱𝗻’𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁…..
𝘈𝘕𝘋 / 𝘖𝘙
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗷𝗼𝗯
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗻𝘆
𝗜 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝘃𝗶𝗲𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗸𝗲𝗿
As I look back, I realize how much BS is really packed away in these unspoken thoughts…
All that is going to happen if I TAKE ONE HOUR a week, to call the woman who helped raise me?
Sounds ridiculous to me now. And yet, I didn’t really become aware of this pattern until this Sunday, while I pondered on calling her.
I decided in that moment, this pattern is changing…
𝗜 𝗽𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗶𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁…𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝗪𝗔𝗜𝗧
𝗜 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝘆 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁…𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝗪𝗔𝗜𝗧
𝗜 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗺𝘆 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁… 𝗖𝗢𝗨𝗟𝗗 𝗪𝗔𝗜𝗧
And you know what, getting out of my head for just one hour, and having a non-rushed conversation with her, not only made my day, I still have a smile on my face, as I write this, and think about how grateful I am to have her in my life.
For those reading this, know that I’m not opposed to focusing on success, however you may define it…
Don’t let your only life, the only time you are 30, 35, 40, and so on… slip away, while the people in your life that matter do the same. Both physically from age, and literally if the relationship is all but forgotten or neglected.
For me, in the past six months, I’ve realized how much the people in my life really mean to me. And, you better believe I am going to put in the regular effort to make sure they know it.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗳𝘂𝗻 𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻’𝘁 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀, 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂?
I’m going to continue working daily towards what I consider my north star, however, all the other stars in my life will very much be a part of my time and focus going forward.