Have you ever had an ๐๐ ๐๐** moment?
The kind of moment where the reality of what is about to come, or what you are about to do hits you like aโฆ
๐ฆ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ง๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป
๐ฆ๐บ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ
๐ก๐๐ ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฟ
However you describe it, it can happen when we are about to..
๐ฆ๐๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐ท๐ผ๐ฏ
๐ ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ป๐๐ฟ๐
๐๐ฎ๐๐ป๐ฐ๐ต ๐ฎ ๐ฏ๐๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฒ๐๐
๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ต๐ถ๐ฝ
Me, personally, Iโve experienced all of those, and each of them came packed with their own โ๐โ ๐ โ**โ moment.
I like the phrase, โ๐ด๐ญ๐ข๐ฑ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐บโ.
Not necessarily good or bad, itโs just reality.
And last night, my โ๐โ ๐ โ**โ moment came out of nowhere.
As I was wandering around Austinโs lake trail in early February, on my second to last night for who knows how long in the US, it hit me.
โ๐ฐโ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ 36 ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐โ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ฐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐โฆ๐๐๐ โฆ ๐๐**โ
And no sooner had that thought entered my mind, I quickly found myself regress into a familiar pattern of asking myselfโฆ
๐๐ถ๐ฑ ๐ ๐บ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ผ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ?
๐๐ผ ๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐?
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฎ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ ๐บ๐ ๐บ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ?
And on and onโฆ.
While I was simultaneously spinning in one part of my brain, the other part (๐ญ๐ฆ๐ตโ๐ด ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ถ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ญ๐ฐ๐จ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ค๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด๐ค๐ช๐ฐ๐ถ๐ด๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฑ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต :)) was laughing at what was going on โover thereโ..
Kind of like a sibling laughing when their brother or sister is grounded, or got into trouble for something a tad ridiculous.
โ๐๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ?โ they might ask, amid a laugh.
Any who, one side of brain spinning, the other laughing at said spinning, all while my eyes were looking over a lake.
Needless to say, I wasnโt really noticing the lake.
Good times.
Historically, in my personal life, I prided myself on ALWAYS being able to or attempting to solve moments like this alone.
๐๐๐ช๐๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ผ๐ฏ๐ท๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ ๐ผ๐ฏ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐๐ฒ ๐บ๐ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต๐๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ฒ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐
๐๐๐ช๐๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ป๐ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ด๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฑ๐น๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฝ
๐๐๐ช๐๐ฌ๐ฆ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ฒ๐ป๐ด๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐๐ผ ๐ฎ๐๐ธ ๐ฎ ๐ณ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ
I guess that comes when you live a life trying to prove yourself as an individual vs part of a community, or something bigger. But I digress.
During the past year in Austin, I have developed closer friendships and relationships than I had in the past ten years of my life, and Iโm truly grateful for each one of them.
In knowing that, a goal for me was learning how to better open up to friends..
๐ง๐ผ ๐ฎ๐๐ธ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ต๐ฒ๐น๐ฝ
๐ง๐ผ ๐น๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐ธ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐โ๐บ ๐๐๐ฟ๐๐ด๐ด๐น๐ถ๐ป๐ด
๐ง๐ผ ๐น๐ฒ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐๐
Soโฆ I messaged a close friend here, and a friend that I met right before I moved from Kansas City.
Both people that I admire greatly for who they are, and what they are doing with their lives, and I knew that my fears about leaving would not fall on deaf ears.
You know what was great about those moments after I reached out to them?
๐ ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด๐, ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐น๐น๐โฆ
#1 ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ข ๐ฑ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ฃ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ญ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐บ, ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต ๐ญ๐ฆ๐จ๐ช๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ง๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ด
#2 ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฏ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ต๐ฉ๐ด, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ฒ๐ถ๐ช๐ต๐ฆ ๐ช๐ฏ๐ต๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ค๐ช๐ด๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ด ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ
#3 ๐๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ช๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ญ๐บ, ๐ ๐ธ๐ข๐ด ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐บ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ต๐ณ๐ถ๐ด๐ต, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด ๐จ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ญ๐ช๐ง๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ธ๐ข๐ณ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ๐ง๐ถ๐ญ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ต ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ด๐ต
And most of all, it reminded me of how fortunate I am to have such good friends.
In years past, my ability to develop and keep important friendships was a challenge, to say the least.
I was never consistent with communication, reaching out or responding, and when I was around people, I didnโt make an effort to get to the know the person for who they areโฆ
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐น๐ถ๐ณ๐ฒ
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐โ๐ ๐บ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ถ๐บ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ
Nopeโฆ I spent my time briefly discussing
๐ช๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ธ
๐ช๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ ๐น๐ถ๐๐ฒ
๐๐ป๐ฑ.. ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป, ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐ฒ๐ต?
You know, those conversations that many of us enjoy SOO MUCH. Clearly kidding.
Itโs true that we can accomplish some things without the support of othersโฆ some.
BUT, true growth, life experience, wisdom, and joy come from being willing to cultivate the relationships that matter.
Slowly letting go of my individualistic ego and embracing new ways of thinking, communicating, and listening, has changed my life for the better.
And for me personally, and the direction Iโm headed, new relationships could come from anywhere. It could be the ticket checker at an airport in Spain, a local walking down the street in Portugal, orโฆ well, anyone.
As long as Iโm open to it.
๐ท๐บ: ๐พ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐. ๐พ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐ฐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐, ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐, ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐.
โ๐๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ท๐ฆ๐ด.โ โ ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ป๐ป
