Have you ever had an 𝒐𝒉 𝒔𝒉** moment?
The kind of moment where the reality of what is about to come, or what you are about to do hits you like a…
𝗦𝗺𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲
However you describe it, it can happen when we are about to..
𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗷𝗼𝗯
𝗠𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁𝗿𝘆
𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗻𝗰𝗵 𝗮 𝗯𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀
𝗟𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽
Me, personally, I’ve experienced all of those, and each of them came packed with their own “𝑜ℎ 𝑠ℎ**” moment.
I like the phrase, “𝘴𝘭𝘢𝘱 𝘰𝘧 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺”.
Not necessarily good or bad, it’s just reality.
And last night, my “𝑜ℎ 𝑠ℎ**” moment came out of nowhere.
As I was wandering around Austin’s lake trail in early February, on my second to last night for who knows how long in the US, it hit me.
“𝑰’𝒎 𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒊𝒏 36 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒅𝒐𝒏’𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒃𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈…𝒂𝒏𝒅… 𝒔𝒉**”
And no sooner had that thought entered my mind, I quickly found myself regress into a familiar pattern of asking myself…
𝗗𝗶𝗱 𝗜 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲?
𝗗𝗼 𝗜 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀?
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿?
And on and on….
While I was simultaneously spinning in one part of my brain, the other part (𝘭𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘦𝘶𝘳𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘵 :)) was laughing at what was going on “over there”..
Kind of like a sibling laughing when their brother or sister is grounded, or got into trouble for something a tad ridiculous.
“𝘞𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨?” they might ask, amid a laugh.
Any who, one side of brain spinning, the other laughing at said spinning, all while my eyes were looking over a lake.
Needless to say, I wasn’t really noticing the lake.
Historically, in my personal life, I prided myself on ALWAYS being able to or attempting to solve moments like this alone.
𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗼𝗯𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗯𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀
𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗴𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗹𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘂𝗽
𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽
I guess that comes when you live a life trying to prove yourself as an individual vs part of a community, or something bigger. But I digress.
During the past year in Austin, I have developed closer friendships and relationships than I had in the past ten years of my life, and I’m truly grateful for each one of them.
In knowing that, a goal for me was learning how to better open up to friends..
𝗧𝗼 𝗮𝘀𝗸 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽
𝗧𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗜’𝗺 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴
𝗧𝗼 𝗹𝗲𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘂𝘀
So… I messaged a close friend here, and a friend that I met right before I moved from Kansas City.
Both people that I admire greatly for who they are, and what they are doing with their lives, and I knew that my fears about leaving would not fall on deaf ears.
You know what was great about those moments after I reached out to them?
𝗔 𝗳𝗲𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀, 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆…
#1 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘢 𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘫𝘰𝘣 𝘰𝘧 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺, 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘦𝘨𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘧𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘴
#2 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘵𝘩 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘩𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘲𝘶𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦
#3 𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺, 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘤𝘩 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘶𝘴𝘵, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘳𝘦𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱𝘧𝘶𝘭 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵
And most of all, it reminded me of how fortunate I am to have such good friends.
In years past, my ability to develop and keep important friendships was a challenge, to say the least.
I was never consistent with communication, reaching out or responding, and when I was around people, I didn’t make an effort to get to the know the person for who they are…
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗶𝗳𝗲
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺
Nope… I spent my time briefly discussing
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸
𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲
𝗔𝗻𝗱.. 𝗠𝗮𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿, 𝗲𝗵?
You know, those conversations that many of us enjoy SOO MUCH. Clearly kidding.
It’s true that we can accomplish some things without the support of others… some.
BUT, true growth, life experience, wisdom, and joy come from being willing to cultivate the relationships that matter.
Slowly letting go of my individualistic ego and embracing new ways of thinking, communicating, and listening, has changed my life for the better.
And for me personally, and the direction I’m headed, new relationships could come from anywhere. It could be the ticket checker at an airport in Spain, a local walking down the street in Portugal, or… well, anyone.
As long as I’m open to it.
𝑷𝑺: 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒓𝒈𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒊𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔, 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒎𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒏𝒆𝒔𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒔𝒌 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒑. 𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕, 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒎𝒑𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒋𝒐𝒃, 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒂 𝒎𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂 𝒃𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒅𝒊𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏.
“𝘋𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘷𝘦𝘴.” ― 𝗛𝗼𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝗠𝗮𝗻𝗻