It has been quite eye opening for me to realize that for my entire life, I spent it in a constant state of either running away from, or towards something.
Over the past few years, definitely erring on the side of running towards, rather than away, was an enormous shift in my life that I’m quite grateful for.
And yet, even though I shifted away from…
Running from the fear of what could happen
Running from the fear and guilt of mistakes I’ve made
Running from the fear of failure
Running from myself…
And shifted to…
Running towards inspiration
Running towards passion
Running towards service and contribution
Running towards a vision
I’m still freaking running!
Because my entire life has…
𝗔𝗹𝘄𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗕𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴
Whether it was…
The next promotion
The next car or house
The next relationship
The next paycheck
The next degree
The next personal record
The next client
The next goal
The next book
The next meeting
And now, where I’m at mentally and geographically…
The next country
The next tour
The next meal
The next town
The next photo
The next… yada yada yada
This is quite exhaustive, when you think about it.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not proposing that we shouldn’t have goals, aspirations, and motivational drivers.
Quite the opposite.
I believe having aspirations, goals, and a vision can add exponential meaning to our lives.
Of course, that statement is defined by the holder of the said meaning.
For me personally, I do want to continue living a life where
I’m no longer running from my past.
I’m excited about the future and what I aspire to create
But more importantly than anything, change my relationship with my drive. My motivation. My aspirations.
Because what I realized was this…
I was convinced that…
Each new rung,
Each new achievement, each “next thing”
Each checked box
Would give me more control in a world that is largely out of my control…
and create a false sense of security and happiness.
The inner statements being..
“𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛..”
The truth is, some of the most painful experiences in my life came from times where I tried to control what I couldn’t.
Be it organizations, other people….and essentially, reality.
And my obsession for the “next thing”, was my attempt to control, and as I said, give me a false sense of happiness.
And yet, with so many checked boxes, I can often find myself unhappy, and trapped in needing, more, more, and more.
Over the past couple months I have stepped into a few insights that I’m grateful for.
Some of it I’ve been aware of for awhile, although I could not articulate it. Other pieces of it, are newly found “ah-has”.
#1 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑔𝑛𝑖𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑒𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 “ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦”. 𝐼𝑡’𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒, 𝑖𝑡’𝑠 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤! 𝑆𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑢𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑝 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑒𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒.
#2 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑜𝑓𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑐𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑏, 𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑐𝑙𝑖𝑚𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑙𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑟 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦.
#3 𝐴𝑐𝑐𝑒𝑝𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑡 𝐼 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑦𝑐𝑙𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠, 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓, 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑝 𝑏𝑒𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑖𝑑 𝑤𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛’𝑡 𝑑𝑜, 𝑒𝑡𝑐, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑒 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑛.
#4 𝐶𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑢𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑜𝑛 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠ℎ𝑖𝑝 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟 (𝑢𝑛𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑥𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠) 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑏𝑒 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑦 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑𝑠 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑡 𝐴𝐿𝐿 𝑇𝐼𝑀𝐸𝑆
#5 𝑅𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑚𝑏𝑒𝑟, 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑖𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑗𝑜𝑦𝑓𝑢𝑙 𝑚𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝐼 𝑠𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑑 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛, 𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑜𝑢𝑡, 𝑟𝑒𝑓𝑙𝑒𝑐𝑡, 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑤𝑎𝑟𝑑.
PS: Some reading this may say, “𝒘𝒆𝒍𝒍, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒇𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒏 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆”.
And you are right.
After years of being in my own cycle, and still adapting and growing a part from it, the changes don’t happen over night.
𝗜 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝗲𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗲𝗳𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝘄𝗼 𝗼𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀. 𝗠𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗮𝗺𝗲.