Does this sound familiar?
The mental tapes that have played in my head have led me to chase and seek what’s next, most of my life
An ongoing cycle of focus and achievement.
Focus and achieve.
Focus and achieve.
Each new pursuit offers the promise of contentment, self acceptance, and endless joy.
Yet, the problem, no matter what I created, became, or had, I never arrived.
I never arrived at the feeling of being whole and complete. That feeling of wholeness within myself, regardless of what is being told to me by the next campaign, post, person.
That feeling of “ahh… I’m home” that can be carried around with me wherever I go, never appearing.
That feeling of living from my own worth as a human being — even if others do not seem to care, was nowhere to be found.
That feeling of being content and at ease now, somewhere else.
Regardless of what I sought after, by way of money, sex, power, impact, and validation; or anything else that says, ‘when I have this, then I will be _____”
My mind has rationalized over and over, ‘No, this is bogus. You can not experience this feeling until you [Insert the current prize my eye is on].
And yet, it’s an endless cycle.
Satiation never achieved.
The want for more, next, and better, always playing out into my life. Every thought, word, and action, backed by an agenda.
Nothing changed in the way I experienced being alive or navigated it until I saw the cycle. The way I had been living became evident to me five years ago when my fiancé and I separated.
It brought to the surface all that I had been suppressing and ignoring. It brought to the light the biggest realization of all, how easy it was and is, to lie and deceive myself.
Through close examination of the mental tapes steering me, and feeling all that I had suppressed, life began to change.
New openings of joy and laughter, where there was once rigidity.
Moments of wholeness, once feelings of being fragmented and disconnected.
Bit by bit, new openings of peace.
And as this began to unfold, over time..
The want of money
The want of power
The want of lust
The want of validation
The want of being right
And so much more…
Started to come into balance.
I didn’t realize that these wants were harmful to me, until I began to look at the cost to my life. The cost being how my insatiable drive was impacting my health, relationships, and often keeping me from what I was chasing to begin with.
It’s one thing to hold this as a concept. You may say, ‘okay, I’ll bite. There may be some truth here’.
It’s another to feel the truth of what you have been doing to your mind, body, and others on your path of arriving to a destination that does not exist.
When you feel the truth in your bones of how your daily decisions impact you and those around you, new possibilities can begin to emerge.
Until it is felt, it will be another mental exercise that goes on a bookshelf. No change will happen.
This is a journey of looking at what has been avoided. In this, openings for change and new possibilities emerge.
It’s a journey of honesty, humility, kindness and forgiveness. No longer does self shaming, blaming, or belittling serve as a tool for change. This goes for how we treat others, too.
Along the way I have sobbed uncontrollably, yelled in anger, and have had near panic attacks.
I have cringed as I let go of more and more what no longer serves my well being, or that of those around me.
This sounds enjoyable, right?
Yet, it was through those experiences that a new way of enjoying and navigating life emerged.
The feeling of balance, joy, and contentment offers a new way of doing life.
Not as a replacement of goals, aspirations, and all else. Existing exclusive of those being in my life or not.
It all began by first getting in touch with my true inner authority and beginning to unravel the truth of my life.
You have this power (not force) and potential inside of you.
You have an inner authority that can and will guide you.
You can experience life with Peace, Balance, and Joy — while being excited about your goals.
Will you tune out the world for a moment and connect to yourself?