How to break patterns of seeking and never finding

The seeking of comfort through external means is a hindrance to the feelings of peace, spaciousness, and fulfillment we crave.

Often if we take a step back, we can find that we go through each day constantly seeking. Be that a never ending thread of seeking the next client, relationship, goal, or feeling of accomplishment. 

We can wake up one day and realize that we do not know how to stop the seeking. What we often do know is that when we attempt to slow down, or stop all together, the feelings that arise can feel insurmountable.

If we do not know how to work through that discomfort in a way that releases its hold on us, we can find ourselves right back in the mix of seeking and never finding that feeling of peace and ease we have long craved. 

Last week I spent two days at Glacier National Park (LINK), supporting a man with this. As we sat in the forest, that experience of being in seeking mode kept coming up.

The essence behind seeking is often a craving to feel okay in the moment. To be able to pause and feel a sense of calmness, enough-ness, and space.

Seeking in and of itself is not inherently bad. The problem is when we find ourselves in a never ending cycle of it. The sense being that we are never truly satisfied.

What we focused on was helping him come back into his body through a mix of breathing, scanning, and finding what has been referred to as ‘islands of safety’. 

In short, he was reconnecting with his breath, scanning his body from feet to head. Then, the crucial part is acknowledging which body parts felt tension, pain, discomfort. Followed by acknowledging the parts of his body that felt light, neutral, and safe. 

As he spoke to the latter, we increased emphasis on that feeling of lightness, safety and neutrality moving throughout his body.

This supported him in releasing the pressure that had for a long time been the driver of his seeking. Seeking out in the world a feeling of being okay, that can only be created in his body.

The more he, or any of us have direct experience of breaking the cycle of self created pressure, which gives way to the feelings we have been after all along, the easier it becomes. 

Over time, we will find that we can create the clients, relationships, wealth, health and all the things in a brand new, empowered way.

It doesn’t matter what object/experience we seek outside of ourselves. What matters is what happens when you stop it. 

If you stop and can feel calm, centered, and at ease, fantastic. If the idea of stopping or even slowing down brings emotional turmoil, I encourage you to try what I offer above.

Everyone has the internal capacity to break the loops of chase and never find. We simply must be reminded again and again, and experience it for ourselves. Eventually, the cycles fall away and we emerge experiencing that which we have been seeking, more and more.

I’m here if you would like to reach out and ask for more details.

Be well,

Matt


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