What is really driving your life?

 

When we get to the core needs attempted to be met behind every belief, decision, and action, our lives shift quickly.

 

Connecting to what we really need in any given moment is a great freedom in this life.

This is a fun, yet challenging topic to write about for me. I’ve walked through much of my life unclear of the deeper needs I’ve attempted to meet, through various means.

On the surface, I could look at many of my behaviors as crazy, obsessive, delusional, addictive, and ill-informed.

Yet, it’s easy to see how I would find myself wandering through life using whatever cultural or familiar strategy that comes my way, to meet a need that I’m not even clear on.

It’s almost shiny object syndrome, but not quite.

“Oh, this shiny relationship will make me feel whole again.”

“Oh, this money will help me to feel significant enough to say I deserve to breathe this air.”

“Oh, this next client will prove my worthiness and value.”

“Oh, this third dose of coffee will make life feel a bit more exciting.”

I mentioned that creating deeper connection with our personal needs is a great freedom.

You may be curious about this.

Consider for a moment, your entire day. Or, even the past hour.

If you were to tell me a story of what you did today, what would you tell me?

If you told me of your day, and I asked you why, in each moment, you were choosing to put your energy there, you may say a whole host of things…

1) To advance my business

2) To improve my health

3) To make more money

4) To be of greater service

5) To become a better parent

But why?

Let’s go deeper.

Let’s say you tell me you want 2, 3, 5 times your current revenue.

Cool.

Why?

What will that offer you that you don’t currently have?

You tell me that it will enable you to travel more, and pay for your kid’s tuition. You might even tell me that your revenue is a direct reflection of the quality of the service you offer.

Now you are traveling, and your kid’s educational future is a sure thing, cool.

What need(s) did you really meet by creating the funds to travel and support your children’s future?

You might tell me that ensuring the well being of your family’s lineage meets your need to have certainty.

Or, a feeling of significance.

Or, that these meet your need to love your spouse, and that seems to only be offered by way of space for travel.

Or, you might tell me that paying for your children’s school is your way of showing them you love them.

Or, you might tell me, at the core of it all, you experience fulfillment when you are growing. And the person you had to become to pay for their school, the journey, was the reward.

Our needs run deep to our core. 

And yet, often, we are not clear on the real need we have in the moment as we guide ourselves through our day.

We may not see how the deeper need that is not being met, could intersect with the need of a loved one, a client, another, and the misalignment is in the strategy to meet it.

We may know the surface level need. In connection with the deeper need attempting to be met, we are offered new options to meet it.

For example, stop right now.

As you sit here with my words, what need are you attempting to meet by reading this?

You may be on the search for an answer to that subtle voice within you that says there must be a different way forward.

You may be reading this to see if it supports a friend.

You may be on an endless pursuit to better understand the world around and within you.

What is the reason for you, that you find yourself paused here?

Reading my words.

Great.

Now, let’s take it a step deeper.

Let’s say you are reading my article because my previous writings have offered value to you.

And within that value, it offered new insight into your life, and the way you experience and create it.

That may have satiated a need for clarity.

That clarity offering a better understanding of what it is that is happening within or for you.

A tension.

A question.

A challenge.

A nudge.

A resistance.

Whatever that may be, that need was met through new clarity.

Let’s take it a step deeper, still.

What did that clarity really offer you?

What need did it really meet?

It could be that with this new clarity you connected with a feeling of certainty. That certainty may offer you what you felt was needed to make an important decision.

Perhaps, leaving a professional role that has been long overdue.

Perhaps, firing a team member that has been a drain on your team, self, and company.

Perhaps, allowing yourself to fall in love again after years of wearing armor around you.

Perhaps, giving yourself permission to speak openly and vulnerably.

The need for certainty being met, created the space for you to move forward.

Before that need was met, you may have found yourself in consistent rumination about what to do.

Or, you may have found yourself ignoring what you knew deep down needed to happen, for an extended period of time.

You may have tuned into something feeling amiss, and found yourself on a search. But you might not have put your finger on exactly what you needed to complete the cycle.

The cycle begins with there being a need feeling unmet. Followed by beliefs forming of how to go about meeting it, further expressed in our actions.

When we slow down and get present with ourselves, we know what we need inside and out. And in that presence, we know where we are using strategies that hinder vs support us.

If I have a need to be right, because the perception of being right makes me feel significant and safe, I will find a way to meet that need.

It could happen in countless ways. And we will find many ways to meet our needs, for better or worse.

With my need to feel significant, through the guise of being right, I may put myself in a teaching role. In this role, people look to me for the right answer. It satiates my deeper need.

The message here is not about certain needs being right or wrong. Or, even casting judgment on the way we go about meeting them.

It’s about first beginning to get clear on what needs we are attempting to meet at any given moment.

Then taking it a step further and seeing the impact the strategies used have on our lives and the lives around us.

If the strategies are leading to chaos in your lives, we can be sure that it will ripple out and cause the same in other’s.

When we meet our needs in ways that help us feel balanced, the ripple effect shifts. 

When we meet our needs in growing ways that are harmonious and balanced, we shift the impact on the lives of others too.

If we choose to do this, at the pace and scale that we are able…

Many of us….

Would see how often we’ve known something needed to change, way before we were willing to do something,

Begin to see how we bring chaos, frustration, and stagnation to our lives,

By being aware of what is driving us, we would begin to make new choices and decisions immediately. Try this out on something important to you.

Asking, what need am I attempting to meet at this moment?

And what’s the need behind that?

And what’s the need behind that?

And by meeting that need, what does it truly offer your life?

Now, look at the strategies you’ve been using.

What’s their true impact supporting you to meet this deeper need?

Given this awareness, now what?

And here’s a tool to support you in this process.

 A Gift to Support You — Connect with your Needs

Learn more about how I can support you

 

Helpful links

What is it you really need?

You don’t need more confidence

Dial back the force to find insight


Be well.

Matt

PS: if you are wanting to take it a step deeper, bring discernment between the needs of your mind, your body, and spirit.

 

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